On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.
He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane,hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth.
Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.
The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all.
Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy on the bike.
One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky", in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more.
"Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep several minutes ago?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back three more times tonight, too."
A man was going to attend a Halloween party dressed in a costume of the devil. On his way it began to rain, so he darted into a church where a revival meeting was in progress.
At the sight of his devil's costume, people began to scatter through the doors and windows. One lady got her coat sleeve caught on the arm of one of the seats and, as the man came closer, she pleaded, "Satan, I've been a member of this church for 20 years, but I've really been on your side all the time."
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was buttering up his teacher.
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.
Have you seen Quasimodo? I have a hunch he's back!
How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball? He turns into a bat every night.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
How do you fix a jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes.
What did mama cannibal said to baby cannibal when he told her that he really liked his grandfather? "Would you like another piece?"
What did the cannibal do when he saw an "All you can eat" restaurant? He had two waiters and a busboy.
What did the french fries dress up as for Halloween? Masked potatoes.
What did the little ghost have in his rock collection? Tombstones.
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost? "Don't spook until you're spooken to."
What did the skeleton say to the bartender? I'd like a beer and a mop!
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley? I'm bone to be wild.
What do baby ghosts wear on their feet? Boo-ties
What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween? Ghoul-aid.
What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae? Whipped scream.
What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream.
What do little ghosts drink? Evaporated milk.
What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet? A holy terror.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? Hoblin Goblin.
What do you call a little monster's parents? Mummy and deady.
What do you call a monster with no neck? The Lost Neck Monster.
What do you call a roomful of ghosts? A bunch of boo-boos.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand witch.
What do you call dead cows that come back to life? Zombeef.
What do you do with a green monster? Wait until it ripens.
What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon. A sour-puss.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its radius? Pumpkin pi.
What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day? Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
What game do ghost like to play? Peek-a-Boo.
What goes "Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!" A monster laughing his head off
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
What happens when a ghost haunts a theater? The actors get stage fright.
What instrument do skeletons play? Trom-BONE.
What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show? A celebrity roast.
What is a ghost's favorite desert? Iced Screams.
What is a ghost's favorite oatmeal? SCREAM of Wheat.
What is a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangsgiving.
What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.
What is as sharp as a vampires fang? His other fang.
What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? Decomposing.
What is Dracula's favorite kind of dog? A blood hound.
What is the tallest building in Transylvania? The Vampire State Building.
One dark night two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
Three vampires walk into a bar. The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they'll have. ?
The first vampire says, (Transylvanian accent inferred) "I'll have a glass of O Positive." The second vampire says, "I'll have a glass of AB Negative." The third vampire says, "I'm the designated driver. I'll just have a glass of plasma." The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells,
"Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!"
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scare-a.
What kind of mistakes do spooks make? Boo boos.
What kind of music do ghosts listen to? Sheet music.
What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A boo-tie.
What type of music do ghosts prefer? Spirituals, of course.
What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
What's a ghost's favorite breakfast? Ghost toasties with booberries.
What's a ghost's favorite desert? Boo-berry pie.
What's a ghoul's favorite game? Hide-And-Go-Shriek!
What's a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
What's big and gray and wears a mask at the theater? The Elephantom of the Opera
What's big and green and goes "Oink, Oink?" Frankenswine.
What's Dracula's favorite flavor of ice cream? Vein-illa.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? It's a pain in the neck.
What's the best way to catch an ear of corn? Use a cobweb.
When do ghosts usually appear? Just before someone screams.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers.
Where do ghosts mail their letters? At the ghost office
Where do most werewolves live? In Howllywood, California.
Where do you take a ghost who's backed into a lawn mower? To a liquor store. That's where they retail spirits.
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
Where does a one-armed man shop? At a second hand store.
Where does Dracula usually eat his lunch? At the casketeria.
Which building does Dracula visit in New York? The Vampire State Building.
Which songs does Dracula hate? "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders."
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? His ghoul friend.
Who was the most famous French skeleton? Napoleon bone-apart.
Who was the most famous ghost detective? Sherlock Moans.
Who was the most famous skeleton detective? Sherlock Bones.
Who was the most famous witch detective? Warlock Holmes.
Why are so few ghosts arrested? It's hard to pin anything on them.
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin.
Why did the cannibal rush over to the cafeteria? He heard children were half price.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? He didn't have a haunting license.
Why did the ghost cross the road? To get to "THE OTHER SIDE"
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
Why did the ghost starch her sheet? She wanted everyone to be scared stiff.
Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test? To see if she was his type.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no guts.
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Why do mummies make excellent spies? They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Why do witches fly on brooms? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
Why do you always see ghosts & demons together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Why doesn't anybody like Dracula? He has a bat temper.
Why don't mummies take vacations? They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? Because everyone was a goblin!
Why were there screams coming from the kitchen ? The cook was beating the eggs.
Many Blogstream members are there
already! Quotes from members: "It's like blog lite!" -- "I like the instant
gratification!" -- "Stop spectating, get in the game!"
If you have not joined in, you are really missing out!
