I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

My reality check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

(1) There's one "sport" in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it? (2) What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? (3) Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? (4) Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball? (5) What fruit has its seeds on the outside? (6) In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle? (7) Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw." They are all common. Name two of them. (8) There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them? (9) Where are the lakes that are referred to in the "Los Angeles Lakers?" (10) There are seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls-a walk-is one way. Name the other six. (11) It's the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh. What is it? (12) Name six or more things that you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter "S." --> Scroll down for the answers. Don't cheat! <-- | | | | | | | | | | | | | "Answers To Quiz" 1. Boxing. 2. Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute. 3. Asparagus and rhubarb. See the correction in comments field 4. Baseball. 5. Strawberry. 6. The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems. 7. Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle. (dweeb is found in some slang dictionaries) 8. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses. 9. In Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers and kept the name when they moved west. 10. Batter hit by a pitch; passed ball; catcher interference; catcher drops third strike; fielder's choice; and being designated as a pinch runner. 11. Lettuce. 12. Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, snowshoes, stockings. ...Well, now you know! Feel any smarter?

Trivia, February 27^th

Answers will be posted Friday

1.     According to “The People’s Almanac”, what do Clarence Darrow, John Wesley Hardin, and Art Garfunkel have in common?

2.     What classic television character’s favorite expression was “Great Caesar’s Ghost”?  Name the actor who played him.

3.     What fictional detective was famous for using the “little gray cells” of his brain to solve crimes?  (Bonus: Name the author of his books)

4.     What movie gave us the classic line: “Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!”

5.     What were the magic words given to David Seville and/or the Europop group The Cartoons by the Witch Doctor?

6.     We all know that Abraham Lincoln was our tallest President, who was the shortest?

7.     Who was described as “the little lady who started the Civil War”?

8.     Who was the first woman to win the Iditarod Dog Sled race?

9.     What is the only poisonous mammal that lives in North America?

10.   What restaurant chain is infamous for the news videos recently showing rats running around in one of its New York locations?

Hawaiian Vacation For Two

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation. To improve their chances of having a real vacation, they decided not to wear anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for astore and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying their drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead, gorgeous, blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.

When she passed them,she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?

The next day they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits - outfits so loud you could hear them coming before you even saw them. Once again, they settled down on the beach to enjoy the sunshine.

After a while, the same gorgeous blonde came walking toward them. Again, she approached them and greeted them individually, said "Good morning Father," and walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it. "Just a minute young lady," he said. "Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know: how in the world did you know we are priests?"

"Father, it's me, Sister Veronica."

The big controversy in the Library world this past week has centered around the Newbery Award winning book: The Higher Power of Lucky.  School librarians have been up in arms over it.  Some libraries have pulled it off their shelf and/or refused to order it.  Why you might ask?  What has the author done to deserve such treatment?  She went for shock value and used the word scrotum in the book…on the very first page no less.

For those of you who might not know what the Newbery Award is I copied this from their home page: The Newbery Medal was named for eighteenth-century British bookseller John Newbery. It is awarded annually by the Association for Library Service to Children, a division of the American Library Association, to the author of the most distinguished contribution to American literature for children.  Some of the winners in the past have been The Giver, The Westing Game, The Bridge to Terabithia and the Whipping Boy. 

Librarians are buzzing with the news about the book.  Lines have been drawn on both sides.  Should we practice censorship or not?  Isn’t it really the parents’ job to decide what their child should read?  Is this much ado about nothing? 

I have been accused in the past for wanting to censor anything that I personally find objectionable.  I’m really not that bigoted.  I feel that what a person reads or views in the privacy of one’s home is their business.  At the same time, I don’t want to see porn readily available on the public internets at the library.  I am an advocate of filters.  To receive tax money,  public libraries now have to have filters installed.  They’re not foolproof but it has cut down on the computers being caught in a porn loop.

My feelings toward this book (I haven’t read it yet-I do have it on order) is the author, Susan Patron, is laughing all the way to the bank.  I think it was questionable to use the word scrotum in a fiction book geared for third and fourth graders.  The brouhaha that resulted is probably causing the book to sell more copies than if the libraries had ordered it and dealt with complaints on an individual basis.

The public libraries see it as their duty to serve all the public.  They stand against censorship although they do practice it to a certain extent in the selection of materials.  Consequently, you’ll find the Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit issue in the library, but not Playboy.

The Higher Power of Lucky joins a list of books that have been banned or attacked by groups across the country.  They include the following list the American Library Association put out of the books most banned/challenged from 1990-2000:

1. Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
2. Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
4. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
6. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
7. Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
8. Forever by Judy Blume
9. Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
10. Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
11. Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
12. My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
13. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
14. The Giver by Lois Lowry
15. It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
16. Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
17. A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
18. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
19. Sex by Madonna
20. Earth's Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
21. The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
22. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
23. Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
24. Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
25. In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
26. The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
27. The Witches by Roald Dahl
28. The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
29. Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
30. The Goats by Brock Cole
31. Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
32. Blubber by Judy Blume
33. Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
34. Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
35. We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
36. Final Exit by Derek Humphry
37. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
38. Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
39. The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
40. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
41. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
42. Beloved by Toni Morrison
43. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
44. The Pigman by Paul Zindel
45. Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
46. Deenie by Judy Blume
47. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
48. Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
49. The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
50. Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
51. A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
52. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
53. Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
54. Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
55. Cujo by Stephen King
56. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
57. The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
58. Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
59. Ordinary People by Judith Guest
60. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
61. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
62. Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
63. Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
64. Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
65. Fade by Robert Cormier
66. Guess What? by Mem Fox
67. The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
68. The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
69. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
70. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
71. Native Son by Richard Wright
72. Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Fantasies by Nancy Friday
73. Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
74. Jack by A.M. Homes
75. Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
76. Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
77. Carrie by Stephen King
78. Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
79. On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
80. Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
81. Family Secrets by Norma Klein
82. Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
83. The Dead Zone by Stephen King
84. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
85. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
86. Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
87. Private Parts by Howard Stern
88. Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford
89. Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
90. Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
91. Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
92. Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
93. Sex Education by Jenny Davis
94. The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
95. Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
96. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
97. View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
98. The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
99. The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
100. Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

Remember Fahrenheit 451, it wasn’t a crime to own a book.  The crime was in reading the book. It (reading) causes people to think.  They might disagree with the status quo. They might start asking questions.

So let’s leave it up to the parents in the case of Lucky.  The reviews are wonderful.  It’s supposed to a very funny book….that is if you can get past the first page.  I’ll post a review after I read it.  I guess it’s time for me to get off my soapbox.  Thanks for not throwing any tomatoes at me.