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The Library Cat


 Jeff Dunham and Bubba J
 

Posted by L.Cat at 8:10 AM - 6 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
 The Stress Diet
 

Finally a diet that makes sense to me.  Other than the grapefruit and steamed spinach, I could follow it easiily.

 


This diet is designed to help you cope with the
stress  that builds up during the day
 


Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

Lunch:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

Mid-Afternoon Snack:
The rest of the Oreos in the package
1 tub of Hagen Daas ice cream with chocolate topping

Dinner:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Diet Coke
1 large pepperoni pizza
3 Snickers bars

Late Evening News:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake
(eaten directly from freezer)


 



REMEMBER:

"Stressed" spelled backward is "desserts"

Send this to four people and 
you will lose two pounds.

Send this to all the people you know
(or ever knew),
and you will lose 10 pounds. 

WARNING:
If you delete this page
you will gain 10 pounds immediately.
(you want to take the chance?)

Posted by L.Cat at 7:41 AM - 6 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Wednesday: Is It Caturday Yet?
 

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Posted by L.Cat at 1:35 AM - 10 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
 Redneck Medical Terms
 


Artery: The study of paintings.





Barium: What doctors do when patients die.





Cat scan: Searching for kitty.





Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.





Dilate: To live long.





Fester: Quicker than someone else.





Fibula: A small lie.





Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.





Outpatient: A patient who has fainted.





Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.






Tablet: A small table.

Posted by L.Cat at 12:23 AM - 2 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Excuses to use when caught sleeping at work!
 

 

Excuses to use when caught sleeping at work!


This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.

I was working smarter - not harder.

Whew! I must have left the top off the permanent marker.

I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!

This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!

I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands.

I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

I'm in the management training program.

Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off.

I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP).
I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!

They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.

I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?

Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.

The coffee machine is broken....

Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.

Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!

The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.
 

Posted by L.Cat at 11:28 AM - 8 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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  About Me
Author: L.Cat
From St Louis, MO, USA
Age: 54
 
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